A Strange Kind of Love
by The Azzinator
Summary: Vincent is lonely. Wandering, all he has done was think of that one special person he would love to have... A sin. He was a monster. YAOI. SPOILERS. CidxVincent
1. We Think It's Real

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Oh jeez. For some reason the TAB didn't come in on this... I don't know why. :( And I'm too lazy to put the tabs in. Sorry! It'll probably be hard reading... 

Um, this is fanfiction, so not all of the information is going to be true. So DON'T FLAME ME. You will be ignored. :(

There isn't any...action...in this chapter, if you know what I mean, but it's kind of graphic. Probably REALLY graphic. And also...this is YAOI. So if you don't like man** x **man, then go. Shoo. We wouldn't want your eyes to melt or your brain to catch aflame, now, would we? ;)

The **X** means sex. D

LEMON is so yummy. But there is none in this chapter. Soon to come, though, of course. )

SPOILERS

For both Advent Children and FFVII. Read with caution, I guess. :P

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A Strange Kind of Love

After Sephiroth's final defeat, Cloud continued to be a mercenary. Tifa continued her bar "Tifa's 7th Heaven" in Midgar. Barret continued his job to help Marlene with paying for school. Red XIII went back to Cosmo Canyon to continue protecting his home in honor of his father, Seto. Cait Sith continued fortune telling at the Golden Saucer. Yuffie went back to Wutai. Cid…he went back to Rocket Town. The small town in which we first met. Where he helped us by becoming our pilot and flying us to safety in the Tiny Bronco. And I? I continued to wander.

Everything was calm again. After Cloud defeated Kadaj and his gang, after he faced Sephiroth the last final time, he smiled. He could finally face Aeris and Zack. He avenged their death. Life was good again. But I was still missing something. I was over the death of my love. She, too, had been experimented on. Hojo raped her. He made her the mother of Sephiroth. She died in giving birth to that monster. And in my rage and grief I locked myself up in a coffin in the Shin-Ra mansion's basement. I deserved death. I could not help her.

Again I had an empty hole. I did not want to continue wandering.

"Hey, Vince!" His familiar voice. I jumped in my doze. When I turned around, no one was there.

I missed that impish smile.

I had woken in the Forgotten Capital. I had come to pay my respects to Aeris. She was a wonderful woman. She saved us. Protected us… She helped Cloud kill Sephiroth. She saved the whole world.

"Wonderful woman, really…" I said as I looked into the lake Cloud had released her in.

_ "I can't believe she's dead… Vince, we have to do something!"_

Unwanted memories. I did not want to relive the past. Things now were fine. Almost perfect. But I missed that blonde hair. I missed the constant smell of cigarette smoke. I missed that smile…

I stood up, sliding against the silver tree as I moved upward. Sighing, I took my blood red cape and covered myself within it.

I disappeared.

Having traveled quite a way, I stopped at the Golden Saucer. Perhaps the liveliness of the theme park would brighten my spirits. But even though I sought to escape that with which I had become so absorbed in, I found myself falling right back in the hole I had dug myself in. I went to the chocobo races as soon as I arrived at the main gate. I had flashed my golden ticket at the woman in the front and jumped down the tube that traveled towards my destination.

I slowly made my way up the steps, my cape flowing slowly behind me. My boots clinked against the concrete and then soon against marble as I stepped through the doors.

"Ci--…!" I found myself faltering. The man on the screen was Cloud. Not who I was wanting to see, but I hadn't seen Cloud in a while. I tried to find Ester in the jumble of people.

"Vincent! Hey, you!" I quickly found Ester waving her arms around to catch my attention. Her skin was flashing yellow, red, blue, pink… The lights made the whole room look like a big party. Drunks were throwing a fit because they lost the last race. Voices were loud and obnoxious. I ignored the voices easily because all I could think about was my obsession.

"Nice to see you, Ester," I said, extending my good hand. She smiled and gave me a good shake.

"Glad to see you're still alive, Vincent!" She put her hands on her hips. I nodded, agreeing.

"What brings you here?" she asked, her head canting some.

"Looking for old friends," I replied. I looked over at one of the screens. Cloud had won the race. Seemed like he was still a great jockey even after all these years.

"Looks like you found one," she said, motioning me into the back rooms to green the victor.

Cloud was petting his chocobo as I came in. When he saw me, his mouth dropped.

"Wow! Vincent! I never thought I would see you here…" He had become more cheerful since then…

"Has something happened?" Cloud chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

"It's scary how happy you've gotten lately," I said.

"Well, you know how it is… But when I go back to work I'm still the same old person. I still haven't changed much," his face grew calm and collected again like it used to be.

"I see…" I looked down at my feet for a moment and then I looked back at him again.

"Has Cid been around here lately?"

Cloud nodded and gave a half smile.

"Yeah, he was here about an hour ago. Probably went to visit Cait Sith… When are you going to visit us at Tifa's?" he asked.

I smiled slightly and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Perhaps I will soon. Holidays are coming up. You'll see me then like you always do."

"Thanksgiving," Cloud mused. "Okay, I'll see you then. Come around sometime and say hi," Cloud turned around and continued to groom his chocobo.

"By the way, Vincent… Cid blew everyone out of the water in the last race. Unfortunately I didn't get to race him. Congratulate him," he waved goodbye. I smiled slightly and left.

I felt nervous. Sick almost. I felt like I didn't deserve to see him. I grimaced and walked to the hotel instead. A ghost popped up in my face as I walked through the old rusty wooden door. The hinges creaked.

"Mr. Valentine, you have a reserved room. Please proceed to A13," the ghost disappeared.

I wondered who know of my arrival. I **had** been walking slowly through the park. Maybe whoever it was saw me… I was tired.

The stairs creaked as I began to walk them. My heart was beating fast. Up on the balcony, I found my door with ease. I turned the knob slowly and opened the door.

It was empty…

There was a brown jacket on the black bed that gave me a start. I could not resist the urge to take it in my arms. I felt like I was going to melt. This feeling was so intense! What was this? I smothered my face in the jacket, breathing in its very fiber… I sat down on the bed to keep myself from collapsing.

I did not hear the shower go off in the bathroom.

"Vince…?"

I quickly pulled my face out of the jacket and threw it back on the bed. I stood quickly. My face flushed a deep red but I could not yet turn my head away.

Cid Highwind was naked.

He stood in the doorway that led to the bathroom. One hand held the tower that hung on his head and shoulders and the other hand holding onto the door frame.

"Vince…" only Cid called me Vince, "is that really you?" (Also the only one who called me Vin and Vinnie and Vincey)

I turned my head away and cleared my throat as I looked at the hardened flesh between his legs.

"Oh! Oh, damn! I'm sorry Vincey…--Er, Vincent…" I could hear him scrambling over things in the bathroom. Bottles seemed to be falling all over the floor. If my pants hadn't felt so stiff I'd have loved to help my nake-… No, I won't finish that.

I felt ashamed of myself. Even if I could not control it. Oh how I longed for the touch…

It wasn't very long until Cid came back out from the bathroom with pants on. He still wasn't wearing a shirt… I wished he was wearing one while at the same time I was glad… I had sat myself down on his bed and I looked up when I heard him come out from the bathroom. His face was still beat red. Mine, too… Why was I feeling this way? I didn't understand anything.

"I'm really sorry about that, Vince…" Cid said. "We aren't back in the old days, right?" he laughed.

I furrowed my brow, taking in that statement. _Back in the old days?__What old days? What is he talking about? Did we do…something?_

"What do you mean?" I asked, a confused look on my face.

"Ya don't remember?" He looked shocked.

"Remember what?" I was becoming frustrated.

"…Nevermind. Maybe it's for the best." He sighed and walked over to the bed. He sat down beside me.

"So how are things?" he asked, rubbing his chest a little, scratching it. If it were anyone else I would not have noticed it. What was wrong with me?

I shrugged my shoulders and looked over at him.

"Things are OK, I guess…" but I did not believe so. And Cid seemed to be able to pluck it right out of my broken heart because he _knew_ something was obviously wrong. I could tell by the look on his face. I could not hide from this man.

"Say, would ya like tah stay here with me for a while? I mean, we don't hav-tah stay here for a week or anything… We can even leave Golden Saucer… You know, go to Midgar or Kalm or even Nibelheim…"

"Or Rocket Town, if you'd like…" Cid looked down at the floor, furrowing his brow. He looked uncomfortable or confused. I couldn't tell which.

I smiled. Really smiled.

"Yes, I can do that. Stay with you. If you don't mind... I'm just a little tired of wandering around all the time…and I miss…y-"

There was a knock on the door.

"Room service…" said an aggravated voice. Cid looked at me intently as I stared at the floor. He was waiting for me to finish but I was not going to. He got up and went to the door.

"Yeah? What the hell do ya' want?" Cid said, cracking the door open.

"Here are some towels, sir…" said the voice. It was a ghost.

Cid sighed and grabbed the towels. He closed the door and locked it. Walking into the bathroom again, he set the towels down and then came back into the bedroom.

"Man, Vince, I missed ya! I've seen everybody else in all these years except for you… Have you been wandering this _whole time?_" he asked, lying down on his back beside me.

"Yeah… Wandering. I've been…depressed…" I said, working on my boots to get them off. "I'm still so tired…"

Cid got up quickly and brushed my hands away.

"Man, you're tired. Let me…" He swiftly took my boots off. Even with how complicated they were. He got them off like I did. Fast as lightning! I blushed lightly and nodded my head.

"Thanks, Cid," I said.

Cid merely shook his head.

"Don't worry about it, you're my friend! Now maybe you should take that cape off, too… Isn't it uncomfortable?" he asked, sitting down on the bed again.

I nodded, chuckling.

"It's uncomfortable to sleep in…" I began to take it off. I didn't want him to do it for me… He was already doing too much. Paying for me to stay here, actually conversing with me when we haven't seen each other in years… And being alive.

I quickly got my cape off and touched my clawed hand. No one knew about it…but me. I never took it off in front of anyone. I liked the suspense. Cid raised a brow as he watched me, wondering what I was doing. I twisted the gauntlet and slid it off.

A completely normal arm.

"Vince! I thought that was there because of an experiment! I thought it was your actual arm…" he exclaimed, his mouth agape.

"Well, Cid, it was…part of experiments… But it's all on the inside… It was the beginning of my transformations," I said, shaking my head. "It's harmless now. I'm just surprised it isn't mutated… My arm, that is."

Cid laughed and slapped me on the back.

"Oh wow! I'm happy for ya, Vinnie! I'm sorry if I offended you with what I said…" he said, shaking his head. "I really didn't mean any offense at all…"

I wanted to grab him right then and there and…

"Cid, don't think I'm crazy or weird or gross or just anything like that…but…" I sighed. How was I to say this? We had only just met again almost a half hour ago.

"Vince… Don't say anything. I know…what you're going to say. And I just wanna let you know…that I feel the same way. But you don't remember…so we're going to have to take it slow. Okay?" Cid sounded depressed.

I removed the rest of my accessories and then turned to face him.

"Cid, I'm sorry if I've hurt you," I said, grabbing one of his hands into my own. "I don't want to hurt you."

Cid smiled at me. God how I loved that smile.

"You should get tah' bed, Sunshine," he said. I began to slump against him, breathing in the cigarette smell that was still, even after a shower, soaked in his skin. There was also a hint of cologne. Thankfully not much. I can't stand too much cologne…or perfume. He put an arm around my back and hugged me. I hugged him back, tighter.

"All I did was think about you. On every road I walked. Every tree I saw. Every plane in the sky… I was afraid to see you, too. I didn't know what you would think."

"Vince, let's just take it slow. You're taking too much in, you—…" Cid smiled right as I began to fall asleep.

I was out.

When I awoke I was completely stripped of all my clothes and in the arms of a strong man… I could feel his limp member against my inner thighs and his face within my hair. I couldn't help but press myself against him. And so I did. Oh, it felt wonderful… But as I heard him moaning in his sleep, I stopped. I did not want to start anything bad for either of us… One of his large hands came up to my chest, caressing my nipples. I knew he was asleep, I could tell by his breathing. I wondered what he was dreaming about, but it wasn't very hard to guess.

He began to speak my name. Softly at first. Gradually louder as he began to thrust slightly against me. _Dreams make you do wonderful things sometimes_, I thought to myself.

His other large hand moved downward, into a forgotten land. I gasped and closed my eyes. How I wanted more! But my gasp had woken him.

Cid was startled as he awoke. The hand on my chest was not removed, but the hand down in the forgotten land was quickly brought up to my chest. "

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he said, hugging me tightly. "I was…"

"You were dreaming," I said, smiling. His member was hard against my butt, sliding almost in the cheeks. I gasped quietly, rolling my head back into his neck.

"Cid… Last night, I wanted to tell you… I fucking love you," I said, wrapping my arms around his. He kissed my neck, licking it a little, nibbling on my ear…and then he stopped.

"I don't want to do anything that will hurt you," he said, pushing himself away. "I don't think you're ready, yet," he pushed himself up and out of bed. As I sat up, he walked towards the front of the bed and then grabbed his member.

"Believe me, I would love to stick this in you," he said, caressing it slightly. "But I can't. Not yet. Too soon! No idea how painful it is for me," he said, putting his hands on his hips now. "All I _ever_ do is think about you. Day and night. Kiss you, caress you, love you, _make love to you_… Vince, ever since we met, I've always loved you." Cid turned around and went into the bathroom to get some clothes on.

"If you want, we can go do some traveling," he called out to me.

"That'd be nice…" I said. But truly I wanted to get rid of this aching in my crotch and so…

"Vince?" That familiar voice. I awoke from my slumber. _I was dreaming!_** Idiot**. _Chaos… Shut up!_ Chaos didn't usually come to me. He mostly slept, loving the fact that I was so desperately alone in my wandering. How I hoped he wouldn't try to mess anything up… But he seemed…to respect me after Sephiroth was taken down… I hoped that he wouldn't talk to me ever again...

Cid was naked. I was lying on the bed with his jacket in my face. I couldn't believe it was all a dream… I blushed deeply and sat up.

_ Oh shit oh shit oh shit! Idiot! Now he's caught you, naked AGAIN, and this time he's real! This time there is no fairy land to turn your head to and this time he really **will** turn you away, thinking you're nothing but a monster! He was certainly a friend…but he would never…_ I tried to block my thoughts out. I felt like I was going to cry…

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Oooooooh! Quick twist! Haha. ;) I made it all into a spur of the moment kind of twist, too. I didn't even know I was going to do it myself! 

Vincent: -Moans!-

Hope you enjoyed it! More to come!

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	2. Appearance Means Nothing

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I turned my head quickly and closed my eyes tight. A monster. What else was I? But even I was surprised that I left that mansion… It brought me nothing but pain. And I could not take it anymore… I wanted death but I was afraid of it. I wanted to end it but I wanted life.

No. I wanted love.

"Ah, fuck, Vinnie," said Cid, slowly dragging himself back into the bathroom. He didn't seem to be in any rush. He had a cigarette between his lips. I couldn't see if there was any blush on the man's face, but the way that he moved and spoke made it obvious that he was not giving a **shit about you.**

_I don't want to hear it_.

Cid came back out fully dressed. He leaned against a wall beside me and took a puff of his cigarette.

"I can't believe you're actually _here_, Vin!" he said, grinning widely. "I didn't expect you to come here… Man, you don't know how happy that makes me! Bein' with the same glum chum Cloud was not doin' me any good! MAN! Shit… I love the guy, but he needs ta' stop talkin' sometimes! Nag, nag, nag! But I woulda' smoked him so good today! I won the race! Too bad he wasn't there, though…" Cid sat down beside me and put an arm around my shoulder. I felt like I had a fever.

"Y-yes… Cloud told me to congratulate you… Congratulations, Highwind," I tried not to look at him. I hoped he wouldn't notice. My heart was pounding!

"Vince… You alright? You want to stay the night or somethin'?" Cid asked, patting my back gently. "You don't look too good… Sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch," Cid stood up and pushed me onto my back even while I was shaking my head "no" to stop him. He would not hear of it.

"Vinnie, man, you're my bud! You look sick! You feel hot as a kettle! Keep your ass in bed. You got a fever or…somethin'. Here, I actually _learned_ some stuff from Shera… I'll make ya some tea. Ya better like it, Vin, it's my first time cookin' for a guest!" He clapped his hands and grinned widely after tucking me into his bed. It was warm…felt like he had just been in the bed but a half hour ago…

_Ah… It smells just like him…_ I thought to myself. _Too bad…he isn't here with me…_ I shut my eyes tightly and rolled over on my side. I felt hideous. Like my body was about to burst. My head was pounding and I couldn't help but think someone was thrusting a brick into my forehead. My whole body ached. I began to shake… I had the chills or something… What was wrong…?

"Hey, Vi-… Fuck!" Cid almost dropped the tea in his hands as he rushed over to my side. I couldn't stop coughing. I began to gag…but nothing came out. My back wouldn't stop shaking and I couldn't even keep myself propped up on my elbows… Cid had set the tea on the nightstand and wrapped an arm around my back, rubbing it gently. He was saying things but I couldn't understand… I wouldn't stop shaking…

Shaking…

I woke up with Cid's head against my chest. He was half on the bed and half off. A hand was on my back and I could feel a damp cloth on my forehead. Some of the cloth had fallen onto the bed; a wet spot where the cloth was. It was cold, now. I looked around the room, my eyes squinting from the light coming from the window. Cid stirred a little in his sleep, but he did not wake. I couldn't understand what he was mumbling… "Vi… No…nnn… Take… Move your ha--… Yeah…mmm… Guh!" He shook again but did not wake. I didn't dare wake him, either…

I suddenly felt very cold. Like there was a draft… I lifted the covers some to see what the problem was… I almost yelped! I was completely naked! I blushed furiously. I didn't know what to think… But it made me smile anyway… Just a little!

I tried to squirm away from Cid's slight hold on me so I could get out of bed without his head hitting the floor. Somehow I accomplished this and, naked still, I rushed to get a robe on. There, thankfully, were two of them hanging on the door in the bathroom. I slipped one on and tied it tight. I also slipped on some slippers. The floor was all tile. I turned around to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't really like what I saw… I found myself lost and confused. I didn't now what Cid thought of me… All I knew, really, was that we were friends. That was it. But his actions made me think a little deeper…But that was what a caring friend did. He was nothing else. He certainly had no taste for monsters…

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked into the small kitchen. I began to cook breakfast. I felt bad that I had not tried to put Cid into bed but I did not want to wake him up…

As the fumes from the food began to rise and swing over to Cid, he certainly did stir enough to wake up. I could hear him groaning as he pushed himself up off the bed. From the corner of my eye I watched him wipe drool off of his chin. Such a heavy sleeper! I chuckled quietly to myself. But it obviously wasn't quiet enough…

"Did you just chuckle?" he asked me. I couldn't tell if he was mad or not…

"Um…yeah…I guess I did," I replied, watching the eggs sizzle for a small moment before I began to stir them again.

"…Vince… Laughing. That's new! Sounds like you're better, then!" he said gleefully. He walked over to the bathroom and stopped in the doorway. "Will the food be done before or after I take a quick shower?" I smiled at this and looked over to him, a straight face once more.

"Breakfast will be done within fifteen minutes," I said.

"Plenty enough time to wash up," he said.

It was strange. Cid used to hate showering every day. He would complain and only shower every other day. He never dressed nice, not that I mind. I liked the way he dressed. It was lovely, even if it was a little dirty. It was Cid…and that was all that mattered. I could hear the shower going and then the door shut.

Cid naked…

I quickly brushed the thought away and continued with breakfast.

I didn't even notice the shower stop and Cid walking out of the bathroom with just his pants on until I sat down with the table set. When I looked up he was looking rather ravenous. Like a starving beast.

"Great! Food!" He sat down with a small 'thump' of his bum hitting the seat and then he began to dig in without one word of gratitude. Well, not really. But, that was how Cid was and it did not bother me one bit.

After finishing breakfast, Cid sat back in his chair and put one hand over his belly.

"I'm stuffed!" he announced. I smiled happily and nodded my head.

"Did you like it?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Liked it! Vinnie, you're the best cook in the whole damn world!" he laughed and patted his belly. "Never been full like that in a damn long time…" he mused.

Cid put the dishes away for me even though I hadn't asked him… I said I was feeling better but he wouldn't have another word. I sighed in my defeat and sat down on the couch thinking. Just…deep in thought. I wondered what was going to happen to me...and even **us**… Although there was not an **us** to really think about. When Cid was finished he was wiping his hands on a hand towel as he stepped through the archway that led from the kitchen to the living room. This whole "hotel room" was a suite…

"You OK, Vin?" he asked, slinging the rag on his shoulder. I was hardly paying attention until he said my name again louder.

"Oh… Yeah, I'm good…"

"Now what the hell is wrong with ya? You're not good, you're terrible! Your face is fuckin' pale as a sheet!" he said, squatting in front of me.

"No, no, I feel perfectly fine, I promise" I said, lifting my hands to gesture that I really was alright. "I don't feel sick at all!"

"Well you might not feel sick but you sure do fuckin' look it," he said, standing up and then sitting down beside me. "You sure you're OK, Vinnie? I can give ya some meds…" he said. When I looked at him as he said that, he had the deepest look of concern I had ever seen in my life. I forced a smile, trying to fight back the tears.

_Concerned…_

"I should be okay, Cid… I think I just need some rest, really," I went to stand up. As I got to my feet Cid grabbed my wrist.

"You need anything… Holler, 'kay?" he said, his grip still tight around my wrist. I nodded and smiled again. He returned my smile and let go of my wrist slowly.

I walked into the bedroom and let out a long sigh as I sat down on the bed. I began to remove my clothes, my mind off in space. I had only been here…a day? Two days? I couldn't even remember. I didn't even know why I stopped there in the first place…

…Things were getting blurry too fast… "Too…fas—" And at that, I fell down in a heap of flesh onto the floor.

I supposed there had been a loud thud when I had hit the ground since I found myself at a mini-hospital inside the Golden Saucer. I didn't even know a theme park had a hospital… Cid was not in the room. I wondered where he was. I was squinting, the light stung my eyes… I could hardly see anything.

When I fully opened them, I noted a sharp sting in my arm.

An IV. Filling my veins with liquids. What kind of liquids? What was…in it?

**Hojo, Vinnie-Pal. You're back in the lab and you aren't coming out alive this time! **_Shut up! Shut up! Hojo is dead! He is _

"DEAD!" I was breathing frantically. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest! One of the machines was beeping as fast as my heart beat. I didn't care to know the name of the machine. I only wanted someone to come save me…

Cid burst through the door, calling out my name. He sounded angry.

"Vincent!" he said. I figured out that he only ever said my whole name when he felt like I was in danger. He had his lips apart and his teeth clenched. His hands were balled into fists as he ran to my side but relaxed as I looked up at him and he leaned over the bed.

"Christ, Vinnie, you scared the livin' daylights outta me…" he said, closing his eyes. "You're gonna be able to go home today, though… You've been out for three days…" he explained.

"Three days!" I exclaimed. Three whole days! "I was sleeping that whole time…here? Where were you?" I asked, trying to sit up. He pushed me back down.

"Here. At your side. I'm your friend, where else would I be? Cloud would have been here, too, if he hadn't gone back to Midgar two days ago. He came by once but was made to leave early because it was too late… I don't know why they let me stay here… I guess because I brought you in…" he explained. "Man, I've never been…" He looked down at his feet for a quick moment and then looked back up at me, a smile creased on his face for a quick moment. "Anyway, that IV'll be outta ya' soon, Vin. So you don't gotta worry 'bout that. Good thing you fell on the floor or I wouldn'ta known you had passed out!" he said, laughing a little.

"Sorry to worry you, Cid…" I said, frowning. I looked away from him and stared at the sheets instead.

"Nonsense, Vince! I don't mind, really. I needed some excitement. Haven't had any in a long time…" He brought a hand up to his chin. He seemed to be stroking it as if he had a goatee. He shook his head and put his hand back down at his side. "Hey, tomorrow, if you're feelin' up to it, do you wanna get outta here? Hit the Villa? Cloud won't be using it and I think you could use some sun…." he laughed. I laughed, too. But I shook my head.

"Cid, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to feel up to traveling at all for at least a week…" I said. But that was kind of a lie. I would probably be fine tomorrow or even the day after. I was afraid to be alone with him at the Villa… I didn't want to do something I shouldn't.

Cid had been fine with my decision. We went back to his room and I slept. Again. But I did not get much rest. Mostly because of Chaos and his never-ending pursuits at angering me. I was "really getting tired of his shit", as Cid would say.

Cid managed to drag me out of the hotel. I was feeling somewhat better. I, to tell the truth, felt like a school girl. If I hadn't been able to keep myself together I would have been giggling like a school girl and we would have been holding hands.

I wish.

"Hey, Val, let's watch a play…" Val? So it's Val now, too? He's got so many names for me now I just… Fuck. They're cute.

"You?" I laughed, "A play?" Cid grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling me inches away from his face. Oh, how I wanted to…! I felt so tormented! So close yet so far! Cid grinned at me and watched my eyes dance about his face.

"So what if I wanna watch a play? It's for you. You don't feel good, right? Don't fuckin' think I'm a pansy coz' I wanna do somethin' nice for ya'," he said, letting the collar of my shirt go. He grabbed my hand and pulled me off in the direction of the stage.

Deep in the back of my mind I wondered if gamblers were killing themselves because of Cait Sith's fortunes.

We sat down somewhat in the middle of the seats down in front of the stage. It was a good spot…because no one else was there but a few little kids in the front row and then teenagers way in back making out with their… _Ahem_… Cid tugged on my cape as the play continued. It was kind of…intriguing. This was the first play Cid had ever seen before when Cloud had brought him here when they were going to the chocobo races for the first _real_ time…that wasn't trying to get them out of jail. I hadn't been there… Where had I been? _Probably away in the hotel as usual… I felt like I was isolated but I had been the one who was isolating myself the whole time…_

"Hey, Vinnie," Cid said, his hands in the pockets of his pants. He looked up to me and I could feel his blue eyes staring into my red ones… It almost felt comforting…

"Yes, Cid?" I looked down at him. He was a good ways shorter than me. I wondered how that messed up his ego. I tried not to laugh as I thought that.

"You know, I was real worried 'bout you when you were sick the other day…" he said, looking forward again. I raised an eye-brow and thought quickly.

"…Really? You were concerned…for me?" Cid looked offended as I said that.

"Fuck! I was concerned! I was worried as hell, Vinnie! You kept mumblin' names… Hojo, that Lucrecia chick…mine…" He put an arm up on the back of the bench. The place had updated their seats… His arm touched my back some. It gave me goosebumps.

"I was talking in my sleep?" I asked, my mouth almost agape.

"Hell yeah, you were creepin' me out… I thought you might have gone in a coma or somethin', I don't know nothin' 'bout that stuff!" He was staring down at his lap, his brow furrowed. I smiled gently. It felt good to be cared about.

"You really amaze me sometimes, Cid Highwind," I said, looking up at the moon. I couldn't see any stars… "Not such a romantic place, this park, if you can't see the stars, huh?" I asked without even really thinking of what I had said. Cid looked over at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Romantic…" he said, looking up at the sky with me. "I guess not," he said. My eyes went wide as he said 'romantic'. Had I really said that? I couldn't believe… _Doesn't matter, he didn't think anything of it anyway._

The play continued on, music continuing to play. The play was drawing me in…but I was more interested in what Cid had to say. What he was looking like right at that moment… Ah, but of course. I had to keep my self control. Unfortunately there were no more words passed as the play continued and stayed that way until the play ended. My mouth was slightly open. I was amazed at this play. It was so deep and full of the pain **I** was feeling. A monster and a beautiful person. Life was beyond comprehensive when it all came down to it. Unbearable because you could not have whom you wanted… Ah, I sympathized with the play… I could hear sniffling beside me. I looked over to Cid and saw something…strange.

Cid Highwind was sitting with red eyes and a hardened look on his face. He was looking at the ground. He did not look at me when I looked at him. I half smiled and put an arm around his shoulders and shook him a little bit with reassurance.

"What's wrong, Cid?" I asked, frowning once more. Cid shook his head and quickly shook me off. He stood and rubbed his eyes. It seemed like he was transforming because as soon as his hand went back down to his side, he was grinning.

"Nothin', Vince. Let's go take a walk or somethin'?" He began to walk out into the aisle. He turned slowly as he stood there without me. "Don't say nothin' about this, 'kay? You didn't see anything…" He furrowed his brow once more and looked away from me. I nodded slowly at his request and felt somewhat bad for him. His pride dug him in deep it seemed… Maybe it was just my imagination but I highly doubted this. _Was it really the play that made him so sensitive?_ I wondered.

* * *


	3. Unexpected Occurances

* * *

I found out that Shera's REAL name is Sierra. Sorry for the mistake.

* * *

"Hey, Vin…" I looked over at Cid as he spoke.

"Yes?"

"Think we could get outta' this hell hole?" he asked, never looking at me. He had his hands in his pockets and was watching where he walked. I thought about it. I was starting to think it wouldn't be a bad idea. Plus, Cid didn't seem to be enjoying himself anymore…

"Yeah, we can leave," I said, nodding my head. Cid looked up at me and grinned greatly.

"Oh, really! Damn, Vinnie, thanks! I was getting sick of this place… It doesn't do you any good anyway!" he said, grabbing my hands like a school girl. "Do you think we could head for Rocket Town? I wanna talk to Sierra… I need to tell her some things. You don't mind, do you?" he asked, not even noticing the blush across my face as he held my hands.

"N-no, no… I don't mind at all," I said. I smiled. He smiled back. He was very happy…

We walked back to the hotel, talking on the way.

"Y'know, Cid, you've changed a lot…" I said, looking at him. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Changed? How so, Vin?" he asked.

"Well… You just… I don't know…" I couldn't really see how he had changed. I mean, he had, surely, but I just… I couldn't pin point it.

"Huh… Well, you know, I'm not the only one," he said, grinning. He looked forward with his grin and continued to talk. "You've changed more than I thought I would ever be able to handle," he said, nodding his head as if he were speaking to himself. I furrowed my brow, confused at his remark.

_Me? Changed? How? _

"And y'know… You talk a lot in your sleep," he said, stopping. We were close to the hotel. I could see it in view. A large, dark mansion… It made me shiver. All I thought about when I looked at that thing was the Shin-Ra mansion and all of the things that I wished I could not remember…

"Didja' hear me?" Cid asked, turning to face me. I looked down at him and couldn't help but feel violated. _He heard me…all those times… Those dreams… _

"I am a monster," I said, shaking my head and turning. I would go into the hotel and pack my things. I would leave. And I would not come back.

Cid quickly grabbed my arm as I turned and pulled me back to him. We were inches apart.

"Don't you ever say that, Valentine," Cid looked angry. I thought he might punch my face in; he looked so upset! His grip on my arm was very tight but did not hurt. Cid took his free hand and grabbed my collar, letting go of my arm.

"You are _not_ a monster, Vincent," he said again. "You are far from it. If you **ever** say that again, you're gonna hear it from me!" Cid let go of me finally after I looked away. I was staring at the ground. I felt like a disgrace.

"Besides…" Cid said, tugging on my shirt to have me follow him back into the hotel, "…I liked what I heard," he let go of my shirt and opened the door for me.

"I wish your nightmares would stop, though," Cid said. He left me to walk up the stairs and step through his door. I could not move. I was stunned. What had I been doing in my dreams? I remembered the nightmares…there was only one dream that I had in which…it was something far more private that I did not wish to discuss… But he had been in the shower that whole time, hadn't he?

Cid stood at his doorway and called out to me. I looked up, my eyes glazed.

"Aren't you coming inside?" he asked, a hand gesturing me in. I looked down at the floor, closing my eyes tight.

"For you to just push me out?" I said, still looking down. I heard him snap his fingers.

A small portion of the rug in front of my feet burst into flames and then quickly dispersed. My eyes widened and I looked up at him quickly. He was grinning.

"I told you not to say things like that," he said, motioning me inside again. "Come on. Hurry up! Pack your bags, let's get out of here," he said.

I was amazed… He was such…a different person. But whatever it was that was different about him, I loved it. I loved it more than I loved Lucre…

**Lucrecia? You know she never loved you, Vinnie. She just used you to get to Hojo. Then look at what karma does to her? She gets _raped_, Vinnie! Your love got raped! HAHAHAHAHA! And you can't do anything about it! Hojo is dead now, but you didn't do anything! She's gone now, Vinnie! She's gone! **Chaos was laughing in the back of my mind. I tried so hard to block him out. _Shut up! SHUT UP! I don't… Lucrecia is gone… It's not my fault! Things are different now! _**You just keep dreaming, Vinnie-boy. You just keep on dreaming.**

"Looks like I passed out again," I said, trying to roll over. But I couldn't. I seemed to be…snug as a bug, as they say.

"Psh," Cid. What was he doing? I could hear the wind rushing by very fast…

"Where am I?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"You're in the Tiny Bronco, Vin! My baby! Why don'tcha sit up and take a look?" he asked. And so I did. I sat up. When I looked at him, he seemed a little…shaken. I didn't bother ask yet because I knew he did not want to hear anything I had to say at this moment. He wanted me to look.

The ground was so far away! It was such a beautiful day… We were just over the Chocobo Ranch. I watched as Billy, the boy who gypped Cloud with buying the chocobo lure, ran through the farm feeding the chocobos. We went over the marsh… There was always just one serpent there. Always one. And no matter how many times it was killed, the next day there was always a new one in its place.

Ah…the world seemed to be such a beautiful place on the outside…

I slouched back down in my seat again and let out a quiet sigh. I closed my eyes to think of what to say but I didn't have much time to think because Cid had something to say.

"Vinnie, you know, I really care about you… An' I don't want nothin' to mess up our friendship or anything else that might come to pass, y'know? I just want everything to be fuckin' fine like it's supposed to be. If somethin'…like Chaos…is gonna fuck it up, I want you to tell me what I can to do help… And if anythin' is botherin' you, then you better tell me or god damn it, Vin! I just… Fuck," Cid cut himself short. He looked immensely upset. I watched as his eyes began to tear up and as he aggressively brought a hand up to wipe the tears away.

I…I didn't know what to say…

"Cid…" I looked away from him and down at my lap. I just didn't know how to respond… "Cid, I don't…know how to respond to this kind of situation… I… I haven't ever felt like this…or had the problems I've been having… The better things get for me, it feels like the worst is coming right up after it… Chaos…doesn't like you… And he really does not like my happiness… I don't know how to make him go away, Cid… And I'm afraid that I might just go out and Chaos could come up and do something horrible…" I couldn't help but choke on my words. I hated to talk about this.

I looked up at Cid, tears forming in my eyes. "Cid, I am a monster! I cannot control the feelings I have like you can! If something happens, whether good or bad, something will well up inside of me and will try to break free… I cannot hold it back, Cid… I can't do anything about it…" I leaned over and held my face in my hands. "Cid, I can control my emotions but I cannot control this _ curse_… It will not go away…I can try as hard as I want but **it** will just come right back and hurt me harder than before… I don't want to hurt you, Cid… That's the last thing I want to do…"

Cid merely brought a hand to my back and rubbed it for a few seconds. Then he withdrew and continued to pilot his plane. I did not cry. Neither did Cid. We kept quiet the rest of the flight.

I think that if either of us had said another word we would have turned into a broken faucet.

It wasn't much longer after our conversation that we arrived at Rocket Town. People were leaving their homes quickly to greet Cid even before we had landed. I felt extremely uncomfortable with such bright town folk, especially with my dark demeanor, and tried not to look at anyone but Cid and the ground. What surprised me somewhat, as we landed near Cid's home, was that Sierra had not come out to greet Cid. But then again, at the same time, it didn't surprise me much at all.

There were cheers and hellos and questions and requests. Cid merely blew them off by waving his hand. He didn't seem to be in much of a mood anymore. He took my things without hesitation and quickly headed inside. I followed close behind him.

Cid kicked the door open and yelled, "I'm home, Woman!" Sierra walked into the living room where we had just entered. She had a glass in her hand and a rag inside it, drying it. She was washing the dishes… I closed the door behind me, quietly, and hoped Cid wouldn't take out any frustration on Sierra.

"Fuckin' good for nothin'!" Cid said, under his breath. "I don't have a fuckin' right to say that, though, huh? I'm the one that doesn't do shit," he said, a grimace on his face. I couldn't understand how different he was acting. Did he _hate_ Sierra?

She didn't seem to understand what was wrong with him either. She just gave him a hard look and walked back into the kitchen. Cid walked into his bedroom, at least, I was pretty sure it was his bedroom, and he threw our things onto the bed. I thought he was going to come back out to say something, but instead he slammed the door.

I was still at the front door.

I walked into the kitchen to find Sierra having broken the same glass she had been cleaning earlier. "Slipped out of my hands," she said. She reminded me of an old woman when she bent over to pick up the pieces… I quickly walked over and squatted next to her to help. She looked up at me and smiled gently. "Thank you, Vincent…"

"My, I haven't seen your face in a long time," Sierra said. We had just finished cleaning up the glass. She sighed and shook her head as she sat down at a kitchen stool. "I don't know what Cid's problem is. He hasn't been upset like this in a while… The last time I saw him this upset was when I found out he was gay…"

My mouth dropped. _Cid? Gay? Sure, he said he cared about me, but I thought it was…_ My expression caught Sierra's attention rather quickly. "Oh, shit, Vincent. Don't say anything about it, I thought he had told you…" Sierra shook her head and placed a hand gently on top of my own. "Pretend you don't know, okay?"

It didn't make much sense to me. Sierra had said everything so casually as if she _expected_ me to know… Like everyone knew… I felt so god damn confused! And when we had come in, Sierra looked happy to see us…but she lost her smile as soon as Cid started to yell. It seemed like they were going through this every day they saw each other…

Sierra had started making dinner. I was at Cid's door, knocking gently. I wanted to spend time with him, talk to him… After several failed attempts, I began to turn around. But the door had opened and I was pulled inside almost immediately.

* * *

Hope you liked this chapter. O It took me forever to finish it--it was pretty much done weeks ago, I only needed to add the last few little paragraphs. xD I didn't know if I should have ended it already or what. I hope it's not too short...

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	4. Dreams Can Come True

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This ----- means like a new turn or paragraph. It's not a POV change or anything. 

LOTS of cussing in this chapter. Pretty angsty and maybe even depressing? Maybe I can make you guys cry. ;) Either that, or just really horny. xD Both. I don't know.

EITHER WAY...I wrote all this up in ONE DAY. -gasp- Actually, in just a few hours. o.o I was playing EQOA Frontiers on my PS2 and writing it at the same time while getting coaches. D It was awesome. And I am sooo very proud this chapter.

ALSO. THERE SEEMS TO BE A MESSED UP PROBLEM WITH FF. D: My grammar is perfectly OK on my laptop, but when I put it on here a lot of things are taken out (like the tabs and the -----) So I have to go back and fix it. I have some grammar problems like KNOW which is supposed to be KNEW. It's really stupid crap. D:

I don't know why it's so stupid. Anyway, please ignore the problems. :( AGH. Such a pain in the ass. Oh and equal signs don't come up for some stupid ass reason on here either. I hate it.

* * *

Hot lips caressing my own with a tender look upon his face. 

This is what I wished to feel. But what a selfish thing for me to think.

-----

My eyes widened as Cid pulled me inside his bedroom. He slammed the door and locked it quicker than I could think. I felt like I had been left in a daze and so I felt somewhat woozy. I looked around his room to see that my clothes were still in his bag; I was wearing some of his clothes. A black sweater, a red scarf, jeans, and black boots. He was wearing his favorite outfit. But he had taken his jacket off most likely as soon as he had gotten into his bedroom earlier today.

He had a cigarette between his lips and he looked very angry. I could hear his breathing; hard and tense. I bet his heart was racing as if he had just ran twenty miles. The floor was littered with his things. Bottles, cigarette packs, clothes, towels he had probably stolen from the hotel, lotions…

Cid was cursing under his breath as he picked up some of his things from the floor. He threw them towards the closet and then lifted a hand to his head, closing his eyes. I had no idea what was bothering him. Rocket Town was his idea…so why was he so upset? I couldn't understand what was going on by just observing…

"She fucking told you, didn't she?" Cid said, abruptly. I was startled to hear him so angry and speak so quickly. His hand had fallen back down to his side as he stared at me with furious eyes. "That fucking bitch **told** you. As many times as we've gone through this, she tells YOU! Why the fuck would she do that! And let me guess, I'm fucking disgusting, right?" He pointed towards the door, his face more angry than it was in the beginning. "You gonna go and fuckin' tell everybody like she did! Go the fuck ahead!" My eyes were welling up. I couldn't tell if Cid's were, but I could hear his voice choking. He began to rub his forehead. He looked away from me, most likely in disgrace.

"I wouldn't fucking do that to you!" I screamed. I don't know why I screamed what I said. It surprised me just as much as it surprised Cid. Our eyes were both wide. I stepped back, my eyes squinting in mental pain and in agony that he was reacting this way. A hand was on the footboard of the bed and I kept it there, watching him slump onto the floor. "Why would I hurt someone I lo-…" I closed my eyes tightly as I coughed a few times. I haven't screamed in a long time; it had agitated my throat. I was glad I started coughing, too, or else I would have let out something that I did not think Cid needed right now.

"Hurt someone you what?" he asked, sitting against a wall. I could hear him sniffling. I was almost positive he was crying.

"Hurt someone I cared about so much… You're my best friend, Cid…" I replied. I began to cry. Tears first, and then I found myself sobbing. I couldn't tell him how I really felt. I didn't feel any better about the situation. I loved Cid Highwind. So did that make me gay? I suppose so, but I still felt like a disgrace. I felt wicked and evil. Disgusting and putrid. Knowing Cid was gay did not make me think it was OK for me to be. And having feelings for him made me think he would turn me away. It didn't even matter if we were both gay. I was still a fucking monster. A stupid, evil monster. No matter what Cid thought. He had seen me in my different forms, but he did not know how it haunts me...and I did not think that he would realize how bad it really was until it was too late. Everything had been happening so fast I was too overwhelmed to keep my cool. I had broken down… For god's sake, I was crying! Sobbing, even! I wondered what he thought of the broken Vincent.

I had lifted my hand from the footboard and held my head in my hands. I practically fell down onto my knees. It had been so long…since I last cried. And I felt like it would be a long time until I could stop.

I heard a slight shuffling where Cid had been sitting. He put his hands on my shoulders and was about to speak, but I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged slightly, looking at him sadly. "There are so many things I want to say to you, but I can't," I sobbed, "Why the fuck would I think you were disgusting because of something so small? If anything _I'm_ the disgusting one, Cid, me, not you, so why don't you stop thinking you're so disgusting and think of it as a better thing? Even if I wanted to hate you for it, I wouldn't, Cid…" Coherent words no longer came out of my mouth. I didn't even bother try and babble. I just kept crying, my head against his chest. I still had a ridiculously tight grip on his shirt that turned my knuckles white.

I could feel Cid's hand running through my hair as he, too, cried. His other hand was holding me tight. I couldn't help but wonder what he thought of everything I had said…

-----

I had fallen asleep. I guessed Cid had brought me onto the bed, because, well, there I was. On the bed. I was squinting at the sunlight that was pushing through the curtains on the window. I reached down to stroke myself a few times…and again. I was naked. I blushed a deep red and closed my eyes. Twice he had done this. And neither time did I mind. I half expected Cid to be in bed with me. I rolled over on my side and checked to see.

Empty.

I sighed quietly. I pushed myself up a little to observe the room for a moment. Also empty. I sighed once again and rolled over to the end of the bed so I could get dressed. I almost choked.

"Mornin', Sunshine," Cid said, smiling. He was wearing only chocobo printed boxers. "I fell outta bed…decided not to get back up. Don't worry, I didn't touch ya' in your sleep…" he said, pushing himself up in a sitting position. "You were talkin' in your sleep again. Got a little excited," he chuckled. "I'm sorry about last night… I completely over-reacted…" He sighed and looked down at the floor. He put a hand to his head and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I apologized to Sierra last night… She hasn't done anything wrong… It's jus'… My pride, you know? I'm sorry I made such a scene…"

I smiled gently at his confession and apologies. "It's completely alright… I forgive you," I said. I sat up some and reached out to him. He took my hand and I helped him up.

…His boxers fell off… He hadn't been wearing them; they had just been put on top of him so I couldn't see… Oh…but I saw… The sheets and the thin blanket I was under quickly raised in between my legs. I watched as Cid looked over it briefly and made that cocky smile of his.

"Funny, Sierra told me last night that she thought you had somethin' for me..." he chuckled quietly. "Guess she was right."

I hadn't even the slightest bit of time to realize what was happening until it had already happened.

Cid Highwind was kissing me. I was so shocked my mouth had still been open. He quickly took advantage of it and stuffed his tongue into my mouth. His began to massage mine. I had never done this with Lucrecia. We had not even made love. And here…

My hand quickly came up to the back of Cid's head as I deepened the kiss myself. I was moaning and he liked it. My eyes were shut tight. Cid pushed me back onto the bed and, although I had not meant to, my legs had spread open to him. But the sheets were still covering my waist and down. I bucked my hips against his slightly. This feeling was so wonderful and good… I did not feel evil or vile at all.

Unfortunately, Cid broke our passionate kiss. He pushed himself up a little to look at me and smiled as he did. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Vincent…" He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I returned his hug.

I was still breathing heavily from our last actions… I was also confused. He did this but he did not say he loved me…but I did not say anything, either. And I would not…until the time was right. "If you have anything to say, Vince…you can say it now." But I shook my head.

"I don't think I should…" I said. I noticed him frown as I said this but I did not speak up. I was scared…

Cid got up and bent over to grab his clothes. I moaned quietly and grabbed my member. _Such a nice body…and that fucking ass!_ Cid turned his head back to look at me and grinned, still bent over. But he didn't say anything. His devilish grin stayed and he continued to gather his clothes. I removed the sheets from my body and stretched a little. I didn't notice him with his eyes all over me until I opened my eyes again. His member was rock hard… I could hear him whimper.

"We are lustful creatures," Cid moaned, putting on his boxers. His member still poked out of the hole in them. Hard as a rock.

-----

We had gotten dressed and cleaned up. We were sitting at the kitchen table with Sierra. She seemed happier than ever… Our breakfast was delicious. We were still eating it when Sierra decided to start up a conversation.

"So when are you two getting married?" she giggled. I choked on my food a little and dropped my fork. Cid had a piece of bacon halfway in his mouth. She looked at us, smiling still, as if she hadn't said anything.

* * *

Hehehehehe. >D 

Anyway, I couldn't get the star's or swiggly lines to come up as like a banner change so that's why I used numbers... D: Sorry.

* * *


	5. Missed Home

Sierra still looked at us. I imagined my death quite clearly in Cid's rage at her comment.

"You're fuckin' kiddin', right?" Cid asked, his eyes still wide in shock. I felt quite relieved when I heard Sierra laughing.

"Of course, Cid! As if YOU two would get married," she said. And then she winked at Cid and stood up from her seat, the backs of her legs pushing her chair behind her. She picked up our plates since we were obviously finished, and went to the kitchen sink to begin her morning chores.

Cid was left dumb founded. I couldn't tell whether or not he was angry, somewhat…happy…or just stricken with idiocy. I had been waving my hand in front of his face for quite some time, calling his name, and even banging on the table. Sierra took no note of me, my only knowledge of this because when I looked to see she did not turn around and had not been looking in the first place. It might have only been two or three minutes that we sat at the table like this, but it felt like eternity.

Finally, Cid pushed himself away from the table and, without scooting his chair back under the table, he left the house through the front door. It didn't take long for me to gather myself from the sudden-ness of his rising. I quickly pushed his chair back under the table and followed after him.

I hoped he wasn't going to hit the bar…

---

Of course. Just as I had suspected. As soon as I walked out of the front door, he was already on his way to the bar. Did he always need a drink after breakfast when he came home? I hadn't the foggiest.

"Cid!" I called. He turned his head to try and see behind him without having to turn his whole body. I guessed he could see me from the corner of his eye.

"What?" he replied, stopping only briefly to just continue walking on again.

"Why are you going to the bar? It's ten in the morning! You don't need a drink… Would you please come back inside?" I asked, following him still.

"What for? I'm not in the mood!" he said. He sounded pretty agitated… But he didn't need to be drinking all the time. It didn't take me much effort to reappear in front of him.

I guessed it was a good thing I had been tampered with…but only to an extent did it please me.

"Cid, could you do a friend a favor? Stop drinking. It's going to kill your liver. Just come back inside…or we can pack our things and head to Costa de Sol? Are you done with what you need to do here? Can't we just go instead of having to wait a whole week for you to get your head back together? If something is bothering you, Cid, can't you just tell me what it is so we can work things out instead of drowning yourself in alcohol to make you feel better?" My hands were gripped on his shoulders so he couldn't move away from me. I didn't want him like this. I could hear him sigh. He lifted his right hand and motioned me to let him go.

"Alright, alright… But you can't stop me from having a drink… I just…won't drink a lot." He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms as I let him go. "I guess, maybe, we should talk somewhere. Don't think it's such a good idea to be talkin' bout us in the bar, right?" he laughed in spite of himself. I only frowned. I didn't want him to drink at all, but I guessed it wouldn't hurt to let him drink a little… And I assumed to myself that I would be drinking right along with him.

Cid pulled me by my gauntleted hand towards the house. But he did not go toward the house, rather, he went to the side of it and through the fenced back yard. We were going to the field next to the rocket…

----

The grass was lush and wonderful. It was high enough to cover my boots so it was very soft and comfortable. The sky was amazingly blue and the wind was just perfect…

"I don't remember many days of this part of town ever being anything other than sunshine…" Cid said, leaning on the palms of his hands as he sat in the grass, looking up at the sky. He was smiling.

"Yes," I said, "I can't imagine this place any other way…" I, too, smiled. It was just such a beautiful area. I couldn't believe it. It was only sky and grass and where the rocket used to be…but it was still so beautiful no matter how you looked at it.

"I really miss the rocket…but since I finally got to go into space, the emptiness kind of gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment… But it's jus' a rocket, right? Heh…" Cid shook his head and sighed quietly. "It still kind of upsets me, though…"

I watched as Cid said all this. He looked so sincere and truly hurt by the absence of his rocket.

"Anyways, I jus' kinda wanted to tell you that what I had to tell Sierra… Well, it was jus' about…well…you." He didn't look at me. But I looked at him. He was blushing. His blush made me just as red, perhaps even more than he. I lifted my elbows from under me and began to lay on my back in the grass. Even as my head hit the ground it did not hurt because the grass was so thick and tall. It was like a bed. Cid looked over at me as he heard me shuffling so much but then looked away again as he finished what he was going to say. "I wanted ta' know what she thought about you… Y'know, if anything between us happened. I was so damn worried 'bout what she was gonna say that I just blew up and completely lost myself… I'm real sorry about that, Vince… I've been feelin' like complete shit ever since I did it. I really fuckin' mean it, I'm real sorry…" Cid looked down at me, leaning down on his elbows now to get more comfortable and to see my face better. I pushed myself up quickly and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I forgive you, Cid…really." I smiled and pulled him down beside me. He wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly against him.

"Man, Vinny, you jus' don't know! I was so damn upset…about what Sierra had told you… I thought you were gonna fuckin' kill me or hate me and leave me forever. Or even tell the gang that I'm…" I felt him squeeze me tighter as he said these things. Especially when he tried to say "tell the gang that I'm gay".

"Cid, it's ok… We already went through this, remember?" I laughed. He laughed with me, but he rolled away from me some. He pushed himself up from the grass and looked at me again.

"Yeah… I know you wouldn't ever do anything behind my back… Or anyone's back, for that matter. I jus' don't think sometimes… Costa de Sol, then! Let's get back and pack some stuff. I've got enough gil from the chocobo racing that we won't have to worry about starving for years!"

Cid had seemed to transform once again. Serious and upset to happy and carefree. I wanted so much more out of this blonde but I could not do a single thing… His touch was such a wonderful thing… I couldn't believe I had kissed him on my own. It surprised me as much as it surprised him…


	6. Goodbye

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Gwaaah. Although I had said before that I was going to use Sierra as Shera's name since that is really her name…I'm gonna switch back to Shera to stop confusion because I'm gonna be mentioning the ship Sierra a lot. -- So I hope it helps.

Sorry for the "inconvenience."

* * *

After packing the only thing I had with me, my pair of clothes that I had always seemed to wear, I began to help Cid pack other things. Food, his own clothes, extra clothes he wanted me to keep, and things of such necessities… We were going to leave soon. I was grateful Cid did not want to go off and drink. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him pack. He was sane, sober, and beautiful… His golden hair was dull in the bedroom's lack of light. I wished the curtains had been opened.

Cid had decided to bring Sierra to Costa De Sol instead of the Tiny Bronco. His beloved plane, Cid believed, had a chance of not surviving such another flight. But not only that, Cid confessed, he did not want either of us to be uncomfortable on the way there. But he had also heard there was a chance of unwanted weather on the way. It would take a few days to fly to Costa De Sol if the weather was bad… But thankfully Sierra had rooms with beds. It was practically a house, that ship. Cid had made so many improvements, it was unbelievable. The Highwind was nothing compared to Sierra.

I had just finished putting our luggage on the plane. Cid was at the engine room, talking to personnel. (There were only a few people on Sierra that had to be there. You needed someone to fly the ship when you weren't, needed someone in the engine room… You need people to operate a ship that big! Sierra is huge!) I was walking off of the platform that allowed you to enter and exit the ship. I wanted to say goodbye to Shera. I didn't think Cid planned on coming back to Rocket Town for a while…but neither did I. A vacation was probably the best thing I could think of. Golden Corral was nice, but Costa De Sol…

"Shera?" I called, opening the front door.

"Yes?"

I quietly closed the door behind me and began to slowly walk my way through the living room.

There was a rug beneath the couch that faced the fireplace. On the mantle there was a clock and a picture or two of Shera and Cid together in front of the rocket. There were some pictures on the white walls. There was brown paneling that went half way up the walls and a dark brown trim that went on top. There was a bookcase and a few plants on top of small tables. A mirror hung on the wall above a small table with yet another plant. It was a very nice looking living room… A love seat was against one wall while a longer couch sat in front of the fireplace. They were white and red checkered couches.

I stepped through the archway that led into the kitchen. If I had kept going forward I would have reached the bedroom and bathroom hallway. As I turned right, into the kitchen, I noted Shera right away. She was in mid sit at the kitchen table. As I walked closer, she had finally sat in her chair. She pushed herself forward, closer to the table, and smiled up at me as I finally stood before her. I placed my hand on the table and looked at her with saddened eyes. I hated goodbyes.

"We're heading for Costa De Sol in a few minutes…" I said, rubbing my fingertips on the table. Shera laced her fingers together on the table top as she leaned against the back of her chair.

"I know," she replied. She looked away from me for a moment to glance at the flowers that had been freshly picked for the vase that always seemed to be full of a different flower or flowers every day. "When will you be back?"

I shrugged my shoulders lightly and looked down at the tiles. White tiles and absolutely no dirt or dust. Such a clean and tidy house.

"Probably not for a while… You know how it is. We're 'adventurers'," I said, smiling weakly. Shera chuckled quietly and nodded her head.

"Yes… Adventurers. You always seem to be gone for long amounts of time… I should be used to it by now, right?" Shera looked up to me. It seemed she hated goodbyes as well.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just not used to getting goodbyes. Cid would always just leave. He hardly ever told me where he was going. He might have thought it was so I wouldn't get worried, but… I'm always worried…" Her eyes seemed to be glazed. I hoped she wasn't going to cry.

"I understand… Goodbyes aren't my strong point, either…" I said. I lifted my hand that was on the table and placed it on top of Shera's. Her fingers were still laced together. "But you won't have to worry. We aren't going to be doing anything dangerous… Cid and I are just going on vacation. We might see the gang, but…there aren't any threats out there… Not anything stronger than Sephiroth," I said, laughing lightly. This made Shera smile. I was glad. She seemed to be so sad… I felt like I was taking something away from her, but I wasn't sure…

"Vincent, Cid is like my brother. That or an annoying husband," she laughed. "He is a wonderful friend, no matter how much he aggravates me or upsets me. I just don't want anything happening to him. I want him to be happy… He is a good man. He gets mad at me for stupid or even unknown reasons, but I'm used to it… I know he doesn't really mean it. So, Vincent…" She lifted her hands from beneath my hand and placed them over it. "If Cid ever yells at you or gets upset…don't take it personally. It's just how he deals, sometimes…"

I smiled and nodded my head. Shera pushed herself away from the table and stood up. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.

"Take care of him, Vincent…"

My eyes widened some, but softened quickly as I returned her embrace. Shera was a good woman.

"Thank you…"

----

It had been a half hour or so since Shera and I had released from our embrace. Cid had actually said goodbye to Shera. I had guessed he felt bad for all the times he hadn't, or maybe from getting mad at her, even though he had already apologized and had been forgiven. Someone who worked on Sierra was piloting her now. Cid was out on the deck watching the dark clouds forming in front of us. I was climbing the stairs slowly to see him.

"Hey, Vince," Cid said, his eyes still on the clouds. I figured he could feel my presence by now. We had been together for quite some time, so it didn't surprise me that he could tell who it was by the way I walked or by merely my presence. I almost always knew if Cid was around… Mostly because that I had sunk his presence in the very first day I met him.

I smiled gently as I continued walking toward him. When I got close enough, I wanted to embrace him…but I didn't. I walked beside him and placed my hands on the railing. The wind was picking up… My hair flew behind me, waving with the wind.

"Looks like we won't be getting to Costa De Sol anytime soon…" I said, gesturing one hand at the dark storm clouds.

"Yeah…" Cid said. He seemed to be expressionless as I looked at him. The sun that slightly shown through caught his appearance so…greatly. I almost lost my breath in his appearance. I couldn't help but stare. "We could probably make it sooner than I anticipate our arrival, but I don't think it's a great idea to take the chance. When it gets bad, we'll be anchoring for safety. If it's not so bad, we'll just fly slowly." He looked at me, his face still expressionless, and then raised an eyebrow as I continued to stare. "Something the matter?" he asked.

I shook my head quickly and smiled stupidly. I had been caught staring.

"No… Nothing is wrong. I just…" I closed my eyes and rubbed my head with one hand. "The lighting…and your face… Fuck, Cid…" I said, laughing as I said it. It wasn't really something I did…swearing. I must have been picking it up from Cid. But even as I said it, Cid laughed as well.

"Damn, Vinnie, you're startin' to sound just like me!" he said, patting my back gently. "Don't hurt yourself, Kiddo, don't wanna screw up your dark and quiet complexion," he laughed. I laughed as well.

"Ah… Cid…" I said, regaining myself again. Cid cocked his head to one side, a bit confused at my sad expression. "…You're beautiful…" I said, almost too quiet for hearing. But Cid had heard, and he began to chuckle at what I had said. Although, a blush tinted his cheeks.

"Beautiful, huh?" he responded. "I'm flattered. But really, I should be saying that to you… You're the most fuckin' beautiful person I've ever seen…" he said, blushing still. "I'm embarrassed, sayin' so, not that I should… I mean, a person can be beautiful, male or female, and anyone can say so…doesn't make 'em gay or straight…y'know?" he said, nodding his head as he looked out to the sky as he spoke. He seemed to be speaking more to himself, the way he nodded after he said something. But I knew he was speaking to me. And I smiled. It was nice to hear a compliment like that after so many years…

"I don't remember the last time anyone said I was beautiful… I've been…so messed up for so long… It's a wonder why I'm even here with you right now," I said, smiling as I looked down at my feet.

"Well, damn, Vinnie, don't bring up that stuff. It's the past! Don't worry about it! You're a great person and you're damn beautiful! Whatever happened before…back in your past…is long gone. You've got me now…and the rest of your friends!" he said, grinning. I smiled at this and nodded my head. He was absolutely right. It didn't matter anymore.

Lightning flashed across the sky, not too far away from where we were. A crack of thunder sounded soon after.

"Storm's close…" Cid said. "Let's go inside." He took my hand gently and led me down into the ship where it was dry. It would be raining soon.

-------

It had begun raining. Cid had messaged the crew that we could possibly be stopping the whole ship somewhere on land if the storm got any worse. It was thundering and lightning more worse than the time before as time when on. And the rain and wind was picking up as well… We didn't have to worry about the ship having any problems as long as it was on the ground. It was a tough ship with a great outer shell that protected it from such storms. But there could be serious damages if it tried to fly in weather like this.

As many times as I rejected the offer, Cid asked if I wanted to sleep with him or stay with him in his room. I wanted to…but I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea. But my rejections had ultimately failed… Along the night, I was having nightmares and awful visions as I stared into the darkness.

------

I was shaking, even as I walked down the hall towards Cid Highwind's room, I was shaking. I prayed the pilot was still awake. And thankfully, and as grateful as I was to this, his light was on. I could see it in the crack beneath his door. I knocked gently, hoping he would hear it, but hoping at the same time that I wasn't disturbing him…

"Come in," Cid said.

I opened the door slowly and stepped through. I could see his eyes grow slightly large as he watched me walk through. I closed the door quietly and turned around, holding myself.

"I hope it's alright…but could I…sleep with you tonight?" I asked, staring down at the floor. Cid sat up in his bed and waved his hand at me. He wasn't wearing a shirt… I expected him to be naked under the blankets. But I wasn't wearing much, either. A shirt and boxers, really.

"Of course it's alright, Vince!" he said, motioning me to come into bed with him. "I invited you earlier…why wouldn't it be OK to stay with me now?" he asked, lifting the blankets for me as I walked over to the bed. I slipped in quietly and brought the covers up to my chin.

"I couldn't sleep, Cid…" I said, shutting my eyes tightly. "All I've done tonight…has been watching nightmares. I keep dreaming of horrible things and when I wake up…I just won't stop shaking… And when I try to just lay there and stare into the dark, I start seeing things. My mind plays tricks on me and…Cid…" I rolled over onto my side and buried my face into Cid's arm. He frowned and held me tightly.

"Hey, hey… Vinnie…it's alright… I'm here now… Nothin' is gonna happen, Kiddo… I promise!" He kissed my forehead before I brought my face to his chest. I was able to fight off whatever tears that wanted to come up. I had been crying earlier…but I didn't want to start now. I was with Cid. Everything would be okay now…

And everything **was** okay. I was so comfortable and relaxed while he held me I didn't even care that he really was naked with me. Even more, I was beginning to feel so much better I wanted to remove my clothes as well… But I didn't. And I wouldn't.

Cid's strong arms were wrapped around my back and he kept me close to his chest. I could feel his breath on my ear and I could feel his heart against my cheek. I was becoming drowsy again. The shaking had stopped. I was feeling a lot better… But Cid was still awake. One of his hands was on the back of my head. He ran his fingers through my hair continuously. It felt good.

"Vince…you awake?" Cid whispered. I nodded my head and pushed myself away from him slightly to get a look at his face. "You're…okay with this, right? I mean, shit… This doesn't bother you or nothin', right? Coz' if you don't want something…you gotta tell me…" He looked sad as he said this. But he was so sincere. He really wanted my approval and didn't want to hurt me. I nodded my head quickly, without hesitation.

"I don't want anything less…" I whispered, pushing my face back into his chest. My lips had caressed his nipple, it was a complete accident, but I didn't regret it for one second. He gasped and pushed me closer to him. I could feel his member pulsing against my stomach. He let out a small, quiet moan and muffled it with my hair.

After regaining himself, having taken a minute or so, he began to apologize. But I quickly stopped him from doing so by interrupting him.

"I didn't mean to…" I said. It was then that I had wished I hadn't done what I did. His reaction made my boxers tight and uncomfortable. I wanted to remove them but I was afraid to… "I can go if—"

Hot and eager lips caressed mine before I could finish what I was saying. And before I knew it, Cid Highwind was on top of me. I gasped at the warmth and eagerness of his body. It sent a chill up my spine and I wanted so badly to be taken. I hardly even knew what I was doing then. I had pushed myself up and locked lips with the pilot. He then slipped his tongue into my mouth and pushed himself against me. His hips bucked against my groin and his arms tightened around me. I began to moan. It was quiet and almost silent, but it was there.

Cid slipped a digit into the side of my boxers, ready to pull them off. He pulled away from the kiss and began to gasp slightly for breath. I could see a small drop of sweat running down the side of his forehead. And he looked at me with lust and…something peculiar.

"Cid Highwind…" I said, searching his eyes. "Do you lo—"

The lights suddenly flickered off and someone opened the door to the bedroom.

"Captain, the storm has caused us to shut down some of the power. Sorry for the inconvenience and we apologize for not asking permission. You understand," the man said. Cid didn't even answer. His face was in the nape of my neck. His face felt damp…and I couldn't tell if it was just me…or if the pilot's body was shaking. The man left without another word.

Was Cid Highwind crying?

"Cid… Cid, are you alright?" I asked, rubbing his back to calm him down. I had no idea what was wrong. I heard him sniffle a few times and he moved his head to the side, away from me.

"Let's just go to sleep," Cid mumbled. He coughed twice and brought a hand up to his face. He rubbed it gently and sniffed again. He pushed himself away from me and grabbed a pillow. I couldn't quite see, but I was guessing he was hugging it…

Lying there, practically by myself, I removed my shirt and boxers. I didn't care anymore. I trusted Cid. I didn't know if he wanted any contact but I put my face against his back anyway. I didn't get too close in case…

"Hold me…" Cid whispered.

"…What?" I asked, confused.

"Please…just…do me a favor…" he whispered. I felt his body tense up as he spoke. I wished he wouldn't be such a recluse. I felt like he didn't trust me at all. Even after having saved the planet and after everything we went through… I wrapped my hands around and held him, my hands pressed against his chest. I brought my waist against him and my member lay limp against his inner thigh and butt. Spooning. His body shivered and I heard him let out a small gasp.

We fell asleep like this.

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Hope you liked this chapter. D I sure did!

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	7. We Arrive

* * *

Ugggh. I'm sorry the updating has been soo sloowww. I forgot I hadn't even put up the 5th chapter... I got all confused in my updating. x.x But I'm baack...with the third newest chapter...

* * *

I awoke to more rain, but it was hardly noticeable than it was the night before. I was guessing it was around noon. I hadn't the foggiest what time I had fallen asleep. And Sierra was moving… I was glad. The ship made me feel safe. Always on the move. Never still. No one could find you like that. And when you're up in the sky… You're untouchable. 

Cid was sleeping like a baby. The pillow that he had been hugging the night before had fallen onto the floor and his hands were up by his mouth. The lights were on in the room but they were dim. Nevertheless, the room was still pretty bright. I could see everything clearly. The covers were pulled up to Cid's waist, but that was all. He looked peaceful… I hoped he was having a good dream.

I slowly pushed myself away from him. I wanted to hold him, still, but I decided not to. I was still confused about the night before… Cid had been crying… Highwind. Cid Highwind. Crying?

I couldn't take that… When I had first witnessed Cid cry, it was a horrible thing. But it was more of a shock that I had been crying myself that I hardly even knew that Cid had been as well.

I was dying to get to Costa de Sol. I wanted to get there fast. I wanted to see the sun rise and set from the beach. I wanted to go swimming. I wanted…to sleep with Cid…in the new additions that Cloud had added on so everyone could sleep there. The whole gang could sleep in an individual bed now. Each had their own room and the beds were huge. At least, that's what Cloud had told me… It had been done a long time ago. I had been told it looked like a mansion now… But I hadn't been there in so long. I never got to see the changes… Until now. Or at least, I hoped… Although I doubted anything would happen to ruin our chances of arriving.

I stood naked at the foot of the bed. My eyes stared lovingly, as a parent or lover would do, at Cid's fragile, vulnerable body. I wanted to take him in my arms…

Ah, such rash things my mind thought. So predictable. Like a monster…

I hated it.

I turned from the bed to the bathroom. I would take a bath…

------

Drying my hair in a towel, I stepped back into the bedroom. I was dressed in a comfy pair of loose jeans and a baggy black long sleeved shirt. My feet were bear and I did not have my red headband on. I actually hadn't worn it in quite a while… Since the Gold Saucer.

Cid was sitting up in the bed smoking a cigarette. He was still naked. His eyes were closed and his head was leaning against the headboard. The blanket was over his waist, but that was all. I could see his member erect. One of man's early hello's.

"Good morning," I said, giving a half smile. Cid opened one eye and smiled warmly. He took the cigarette from his mouth with one hand and motioned me to come to him.

"Good mornin', Vinny," Cid said, smiling still. I turned to throw my towel in the bathroom. It landed in the hamper: a basket that is usually full of dirty clothes, but empty because this is the first time anyone has used this room for quite some time. I turned back around and walked towards Cid. He motioned for me to sit on the bed beside him. He took me in his arms and hugged me.

"Vin…" he said. "I want to apologize for last night…I was out of line… I shouldn't have done what I did… It was uncalled for…"

I quickly shook my head and squeezed him.

"No, Cid, you didn't do anything wrong…" I sighed and pushed him away from me. "I just… I need time…" I felt stupid. I didn't even know what I wanted. But then I began to think Cid didn't even know what he wanted… This was a big stupid circle and it was becoming tiring…

The ship began to move faster. I figured the rain had stopped. I couldn't hear it if it was…

"Seems we'll be reaching Costa de Sol soon," Cid said, smiling. I couldn't seem to understand Cid. His mood changed far too quickly.

-----

We reached the "airport" of Costa de Sol not long after that. Cid had taken a shower and I had gathered our things.

Cid and I were already walking to the villa. He was wearing his favorite attire. His blue t-shirt, brown pants, boots, and gloves. His goggles were placed neatly on top of his head, and his jacket was wrapped around his waist. I loved it. Around his neck were dog tags.

Before we even reached the entrance to the villa, I could already see it…

"Cloud was right… It IS a mansion…" I said, awing at the size. Cid grinned and nodded his head.

"Yep! And you know… Thanksgiving is coming up. We go here and the weather is pretty cold…but they have pools…and we can still…y'know…walk on the beach…" Cid said, blushing as he spoke. He seemed to have a hard time talking…'romantically'… It was cute. And I wanted him to say something like that again.

-----

Cid fumbled with the keys in his pocket and finally unlocked the front door. I was glad. No one was here. Cid walked in first and I closed the door behind us when I entered. I locked it carefully and looked around the improved house…

"Let's get an upstairs room," I said. I liked the upstairs. I loved heights. Cid nodded and followed me towards the steps. We walked up carefully and began to stroll through the hall. I opened door after door, searching for an interesting room…

And I found one.

The floors and walls were wooden. The bed was a great size and the comforter was black. There was a rug underneath the bed that was also black. I dropped the bags beside the closet and smiled. There was a balcony at the window that over looked the beach. I opened the glass doors (the windows) and pushed them against the wall. Stepping across the floor, I stepped ever closer to the railing that protected you from falling if you were to slip. I grabbed the railing and looked out at the sea… It was beautiful. The sun was setting already. The day had gone by faster than I had even imagined. I guessed I hadn't woken up at noon that day, then. It must have been much later…

Arms wrapped around my waist from behind. A face nuzzled into the back of my neck. The wind blew gently against us, pushing my hair to the side. I smiled and held his hands with my own.

"Cid…" I said. "I think I love you."

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Uggh. Sorry, sorry, this chapter was somewhat rushed and…blerghgghhhh. Not what I had planned on. I'm feelin' pretty ugh lately. Sorry for such a crappy chapter. D: I'll try to make the next chapter better!

x.x I've been writing when I haven't really been in the mood…

I am super tired!

BTW... I mixed up the Gold Saucer with Golden Corral... Hahaha, thanks for pointing that out. So I fixed it. :)

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	8. Wake Up

* * *

I could feel a wet warmth against my neck. Cid gave a few shudders and his grip around me tightened. 

"Are you alright?" I asked, trying to turn my head to see him, but my attempts were in vain. He would not let me see his face. "Cid, please…don't…cry!" I couldn't seem to comprehend what was happening. I expected Cid to be happy but I could feel his silent sobbing against my body. It made me begin to shiver myself. "I just want to talk about it…if you don't like it then I'll just go away! Please!" I tried to push away from him, to be free from his grasp for just a moment so I could look at him. "I would never lie to you, Cid!" I said, tears welling in my own eyes. I was beginning to get weak. I wanted to collapse. I was so tired…tired and stressed. I wanted Cid to look at me…

"I…" Cid choked. "I don't…" I could feel Cid's head shaking as if he were saying no. "I don't want to hurt you…or myself…" he said quietly. His sobbing was becoming unbearable. His strength was also dwindling. I quickly pushed his arms away, turned around, and grabbed his shoulders. He cast his gaze down at our feet.

"How in the world could you hurt me, Cid?" I asked, trying to search his gaze. "I have been hurting ever since we parted after Sephiroth's final death!" I cursed under my breath. I didn't want to deal with this. This was completely unexpected.

"Don't you fuckin' think I've felt the same?" Cid said. His voice was quivering and he still would not look at me.

"Do you think I'm fucking psychic!" I asked, shaking him slightly. "When I first saw you again, I had the biggest fear that you were going to cast me away! I may look like I know many things, but a human's mind is not something I can read! I have enough trouble with myself!" This made Cid look at me, finally. His brow was furrowed and tears streaked his cheeks.

"I'm…sorry…" His sobbing had finally stopped and his tears were beginning to dry up. My grip loosened and I pushed him against me gently, hugging him. "I didn't want to change anything in you… I thought…I was changing your preference or something…"

"Don't say something so ridiculous." I was becoming light headed. "I think I need to lie down…" I mumbled, staggering away from Cid. My movements were drunken and I suddenly fell over. Cid had caught my fall, even though my body was going against the bed. He picked me up and put me on the bed correctly. As soon as my head touched the pillows I fell asleep.

------------

"He's been out like that all day…"

"Has it happened before?"

"Yeah… It's becomin' more frequent every god damn time I see 'im…"

There was a quiet shuffle of clothing and feet, and then I could feel a blanket lifted up over my body, covering me more.

I felt cold.

-----------

**You fucking cunt. Thought I was gone, didn't you? Thought I'd never come back. You know what I want. You know why I'm here. You're fucked now, Vinnie. You're _fucked!_**

_What do you want with me…?_

**Don't act innocent, Vince, you're just going to get more…**

I could feel a whip against my back. Lashing my skin… The blood… My head was lowered. I was…standing in my own pool of blood… My vision was blurry and all I could do was feel an intense stinging and horrible… "AHHHHH!"

**PAIN! That's what you're feeling, VINNIE! You fucking faggot! **Chaos' face finally came into view. He had been behind me, but I hadn't realized anything but the whip. My face was scrunched up, trying to hold back more screams and whimpers. It was just like…

**Hojo? He's dead…but I can be whomever I wish, as long as I'm in your head.** Chaos gave me an evil grin, his razor sharp teeth gleaming in whatever hellish light that was emitting in the chamber I had been placed in. The whole room had been dark, but things were finally coming together… I was in a cell, one wall complete iron bars, and the walls were oozing a clear, thick liquid. Whenever the liquid would hit the disgusting, maggot floor beneath me, I could hear a _splotch!_ But at times, all I could hear was the sound of my heart in my throat, and the drops of my blood beneath me.

Staring into Chaos's eyes, I watched his face transform into the most horrible creature I had even known. The man who had raped my darling Lucrecia…and who had stuffed me in a box.

Hojo. A Shin-Ra operative in the science department. He injected every Turk and SOLDIER with mako and sent them on their way. He had given us physicals and any other medical thing he could think of. He always took extra _special_ care with me… Giving me more things than I had predicted.

The Chaos-Hojo went back behind me, ripping off the rest of whatever clothes I had been wearing.

If this was a dream…I wanted to wake up. Right now.

Wake up…

"AHHHH!"

Penetration. Screaming. Laughing. Hojo hadn't even…no, not Hojo… Chaos. But I was…living it all over again… Chaos hadn't even readied the hole in which he had entered. Dry skin, friction… The bleeding on my back had stopped momentarily, only to follow another heavy flow coming from lower regions. It trickled down my thigh, down my leg, creasing itself between my bloodied toes…

The pain was unbearable. A rough hand was pinching the living daylights out of my nipples. If I had opened my eyes, I probably would have seen even more blood. More pain. And the irresistible watchers from outside the cage in which I was trapped. My arms had been bonded to the ceiling and my legs had been kicked apart, chained to the floor.

And as the demon within finally came with satisfaction, the liquid had stung my insides, causing me to scream until my throat had gone dry. It wouldn't have surprised me if he chopped my body parts off right then and there…but he didn't.

**That was what I wanted, pretty boy… **Chaos had said, his long, devilish black tongue caressing my earlobe. I began to whimper, tears had stained my cheeks. This was what I deserved. I was a monster, was I not?

Perhaps my self-esteem was what Chaos was feeding on…but….

--------------

"Vinnie…"

"…Vincent!"

"Hey!" A cold hand was on my forehead. It felt wet. It didn't take me long to realize it was sweat. And not theirs, mine. I began moaning quietly, turning my head and trying to roll over… But I felt a horrible pain down below and a sinking feeling finally came.

He had come out, hadn't he? But that couldn't be possible… It was all in my head. It had to be.

When I opened my eyes to look at Cid, I noticed Cloud was right behind him, one hand on his shoulder.

"I've been here for the past two days," Cloud said quietly. He looked worried.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, wincing as I faced them again.

"'bout three an' a half days… It's dark out again," Cid said, motioning his hand to the window.

"You have bruises all over your back and waist, what happened?" Cloud asked, standing up. I shook my head, how in the world could I know? But I figured it was probably me fighting myself in my sleep. That was what Chaos had managed to do, then, since he couldn't really do what he did…even if it felt as real as a stab in the hand. But worse.

Much worse.

"He was tossing in his sleep… Fell outta the bed and got banged up. I put him back, though… They were there before you got here," said Cid. And I was completely happy that the only lower region that actually did hurt was my waist. That was as far as it had gone. And…then I realized how naked I really was. Again. Cloud shook his head and turned away. He didn't understand, and I didn't expect him to. It was my own battle, and I'd deal with it myself… But if anything, I was guessing I would need Cid's help, because Chaos was obviously after something that involved me with the pilot.

I wanted to get rid of Chaos once and for all. His form was nothing, I could handle that, but when his personality came with it, that was it.

Cid had walked Cloud out of the room, said a few words, and then came back inside. I could hear the _click_ of the pilot locking the door, and then his footsteps that followed as he walked over to the bedside. I turned my head to look at him, hair somewhat covering my face, and I forced a small smile. A depressing smile.

"I'm so sorry…" Cid said quietly. He had a sincere look on his face that made me think he would burst out crying any minute, but he never did. I didn't know what he could be sorry about, since he hadn't done anything wrong.

"What are you sorry about?" I asked, turning my head to face the ceiling. "You didn't hurt me. You didn't curse me with Chaos. You didn't rape me, either." My voice was quiet, almost stoic. But I furrowed my brow, wondering how Cid would react to this.

"It's my fault you're dealing with this, isn't it? Chaos, or whatever the fuck you call it, is prolly' pissed coz' of me. I mean…" Cid paused, looking down and then away, over at the window. He sighed as he looked back at me.

"I love you, too," he said. But as happy as I was for hearing that, my frown stayed. And so did Cid's.

"So what?" I scoffed, crimson eyes looking into his blue. But then I had suddenly realized how wrong that was. Why did I fucking say that? And I could tell as Cid was taken aback. His face had hardened and he seemed to be angry. "That's not what I meant…" I said, trying to sit up. I was leaning on my elbow, and that was the best I could do. "Your love for me…and mine for you…" I shook my head, closing my eyes. "Our love," I said, eyes open once more. "Our love might cause bad things to happen to and/or for me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you go just because _Chaos_ doesn't like it. He doesn't want me to love…says I'm incapable." I collapsed on the bed again, weak already, even from just supporting myself on the bed. "Chaos can be as pissed as he wants, he isn't going to get his way."

"Chaos was attacking you last night, wasn't he?" Cid asked, sitting on the bed beside my broken down body. I closed my eyes as he said this, for it was so true…

"Who else?" I said, my eyes open again. "Chaos is the only one powerful enough to do anything to me. The only one that can come out against my will…the only one who can fuck me in my sleep," I said. My voice was hurtful…and hateful. Deep and sorrowful. I hated the sound of it. I wanted to turn myself off. If I had the button to turn life off, I'd have done it long ago.

It has only been recently that I realized how important that very button was. And it was here and now that I would never wish to have such a button ever again.

"But what can you do about it?" Cid asked, only pressing the matter because he was concerned for me. But all I could do was shrug my shoulders.

"I don't really know, yet. I'm going to have to deal with whatever torture he has in store for me…"

"Then I'll just leave you," Cid said, eyes closed tight. "If I leave, you won't be hurting anymore." But this made me laugh, and it surprised him.

"Leaving me will only make it worse. Chaos will shove it in my face, telling me this is how life works. He'll run me down until there's nothing left… And I won't have anyone to lean against. You're what keeps me here, still standing. Although, I'm not standing right at this moment…" I said, rubbing my forehead as I let out a small chuckle. This made Cid smile, but nothing else. "Chaos wants to control me and wants to make sure I never fall in love. I don't know why, and I don't really give a shit. Because it's happened, it's happening, and it won't stop. Even after you're gone, I'll still love you…and Chaos will know. And he will torment me every last fucking day, until the end of my days. There isn't any escaping. So the last thing I could possibly do, is to keep you with me…for support, but most importantly for love… I can't do this on my own…so I'm asking you… Please don't leave."

Cid had taken a while to respond. He was letting it sink in, to finally grasp it.

"I…won't leave." Cid had stood up then, even as I smiled after him, and he walked over to the nightstand, grabbing his cigarettes. "But I'm gonna go have a cigarette outside," he said, opening the glass door and stepping out onto the balcony before I could even say anything in protest. He had closed the door on me, but it wasn't like I had the strength to go out there with him…

_Chaos will probably be trying his best to read my thoughts…but he can't read them until I'm talking to him… He can hear what I say, but not what I think. And I'm guessing that's my only advantage… He can't even see what I see. I guess he's just using my voice as the only escape to the outside world. Since Cid isn't leaving…maybe…_

I shook my head, rolling over. It had seemed as though my bruises were already healing rapidly… Cid must have used a cure materia…

A few minutes later, Cid had come back into the bedroom. I was still somewhat conscious. I was drifting in and out of my nap. The pilot sat beside me on the bed and began to tug the sheet that was around my body down, revealing my back. I had turned my head around to see what he was doing, but I couldn't turn my head far back enough.

"They're almost gone…" Cid said, placing one hand on my waist. I had shivered at the touch, my drowsiness finally subsiding, and I shifted my body slightly so his hand would be forced to lay upon my rear. This caused a stifled gasp from myself, but what Cid had given was much better than any gasp.

The pilot was squeezing my rear, gently. His hand moved up, then down, and then squirmed around to my front, grasping my member and giving it a few lazy strokes. I began to bite my fingers. The pleasure was giving me goose bumps and sending chills down my spine. I didn't understand why he was doing this, not that I didn't like it, but because of what I figured he had been thinking. Along the lines of "this is wrong". But I never heard it…and whatever pain that had come along with those bruises were now officially gone. Cid shifted his body better on the bed, and I did the same. I was now lying on my back. All those times I had wished for this…this moment…

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Heehee. :3 Hope you guys liked this chapter! 

More will come…soon. But I've been really busy lately. D: I've got another fiction…that will be created soon. xD I still haven't worked on it yet, but I'm getting there. Hopefully I can add more to this soon…

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